Chapter 3: 51. I'm your husband. It's my job.

Summary: All Eva and Sparda wanted to do was spend Valentines Day picking out a few plants to spruce up the yard. So naturally that couldn't go as planned. If there is one universal constant in the Sparda family it's that no one can just have a nice day out on the town. Notes: This one is for by good friend squiddywritesstuffs! Thanks for all the wonderful ideas and art! Ever since Eva had moved into Sparda's lovely countryside estate on the outskirts of Redgrave City, the two of them had made plans to renovate. They wanted their home to reflect both of their individual styles, interests, and personalities, and what better way to do that then to make a few changes around the house? Sparda had been encouraging her to make the place her own for a while, so she decided she'd start with the garden. And by "start with the garden" she meant "plant one in the first place because all the yard had in it was some reasonable well kept shrubs cypress trees." Which was how Sparda, the all-powerful Legendary Dark Knight, and savior of mankind, ended up at a quaint plant nursery run by an elderly couple with his pregnant wife watching her fawn over Begonias and Foxglove flowers. Eva seemed to have a telepathic ability to locate places to take her husband that made him seem even more eccentric and out of place than he normally did, and if the number of heads the couple was turning were anything to go by, then she had outdone herself today. But if this was what his darling wife wanted to do for Valentine's Day, he wasn't complaining. Admittedly, Sparda wasn't terribly upset about the concept of being around large groups of people or shopping for flowers. That would be silly of him. After all, he had spent centuries carefully blending into polite human society; schmoozing with royalty and regular people alike. This was far from the most out of place and the uncomfortable thing he had ever done. No, the thing that had Sparda eager to return to their home was the evergrowing sensation that something was very wrong about this place. He couldn't quite place his finger on it, but something about this place set his sixth sense alight. "Oh, these are lovely, don't you think, dear?" Eva giggled happily and held up a pot so that Sparda could take a better look. He spared the plant a glance, not so much disinterested as he was lost in thought. The Dark Knight trusted his wife's taste and decision making skills. "Yes, they are quite nice, darling. Would you like them?" She nodded with a happy smile as Sparda gestured with a tilt of his head towards the back of the greenhouse. "If you would excuse me for just a moment, I need to attend to something. I won't take long." Eva raised an eyebrow suspiciously, more than a little sure her husband was up to something. Then again, Sparda was normally up to something. "Ok, I'll be looking at the topsoil in the meantime." Sparda nodded and headed towards the back of the greenhouse, following what could only be described as a mounting sense of trepidation. The closer he got to the back offices, the more he got the sense that something sinister was going on here. He came to a stop directly in front of the back office door and closed his eyes for a moment. He could sense something familiar on the other side. At that point, it was decided: going to find out what was going on in this place. In a movement too swift for human eyes to follow, Sparda dashed through the closed door. He found it almost suspicious that the door was unlocked and didn't have an alarm but, to be fair, he opened the door too quickly for it to trigger anyway. Behind the door was a set of stairs which he followed down into a not at all suspicious-looking cavern. The stairs seemed to go on forever, descending downward in an endless spiral. A sweet, floral scent wafted upwards from the almost pitch-black depths. Sparda would have assumed that they were storing plants down here if it wasn't so dark and the smell wasn't so incredibly strong. Even his inhumanly good sense of smell couldn't explain the overwhelming scent. When he finally rounded the corner, he stopped dead in his tracks. Before the Dark Knight was a cavern about the size of a modest corner store filled to the brim with leafy looking pods about two feet tall. A warm breeze blew in from the far end of the dark cave, almost as though some unseen force had just exhaled. Sparda stared blankly at the room full of demon spawn, having a silent panic attack. Was fighting several hundred demon parasites an issue for the Dark Knight? Absolutely not. Was his heavily pregnant wife directly above this chasm of hellish horror plants?

Unfortunately yes. He needed to get Eva out of here immediately. --- Eva had never realized how many different forms of substrate there were until now. And how confusing they were, at that. Textures, moisture levels, pest repelling properties, nutrients, and plant type compatibility were just a few things that had started to give her a headache. She had been trying to pick between two of the woodchip options when Sparda seemingly materialized out of nowhere, startling her. "Oh- where did you come from? And how does that still manage to startle me?" Sparda craned his neck slightly to the side before leaning in to give her a gentle hug around the waist and a soft kiss on the top of her head. He then released her and produced a large bouquet of blue and red flowers from behind his back, much to her perplexment. Eva smiled in pleasant confusion. "You bought me a bouquet flowers? Aw, thank you! But dear, we just bought a whole garden full of flowers!" Eva giggled contently as he handed her the flowers. Sparda leaned back and watched her quite literally smell the roses before leaning in to hug her again. She giggled as he kissed her cheek before he leaned over to whisper in her ear. "Darling, it has come to my attention that you and the little ones may be in grave danger here. I think it may be best if we leave now before something... unpleasant occurs." The lovely blond woman did a double-take at the casual way that her husband made this comment. For a second she considered stating that he was being ridiculous and reminding him that they were in a plant nursery. The only dangerous thing here was pesticide and pollen. But then she remembered that she was married to one of the most powerful demons in existence and that being cautious to the point of paranoid overreaction had kept him alive for over two-thousand years. It was probably best she take his word for it and they go elsewhere. Eva nodded in agreement. "Maybe we can go down to the lake for a picknick instead?" As if to answer her, the entire greenhouse suddenly started to tremble. Any thought that this could possibly be an earthquake was quickly debunked as a monstrous roar echoed up from the bowels of the earth and a colossal serpentine demon came blasting out of the ground behind the building adjacent to the parking lot. The inhuman beast screamed Sparda's name with such raw power that some of the windows in the greenhouse cracked. Eva closed her eyes and shook her head towards the ground as everyone in the building started to scream and run for the exit, some people knocking over tables and breaking windows to climb out of as they ran. Sparda could feel the curse words that she was suppressing. "Darling Eva, I would probably be best if-" "I'll wait in the car, dear," Eva said knowingly. "try not to track too much blood back this time?" The demon roared Sparda's name again, this time somehow even more angrily. Sparda shook his head and materialized Yamato from it's hiding place. He unsheathed the blade and swung it twice, making an X in the air. A portal back to their home opened before them. Sparda gently pushed his wife by her lower back towards the portal, glancing back at the screaming behemoth. "I think not. I'll be along in a moment, Eva. You are not safe here and I cannot except that. That is my paramount concern." Eva looked at the demon worriedly. To say it was large would be an understatement. "Alright just... be careful. Don't keep me waiting too long and make me worry about you!" Sparda nodded and gave her a reassuring look. "I'm your husband. It's my job." he kissed her gently and then turned back to the portal. With an almost wicked smirk, Sparda placed his hand on her back and nearly launched her through the portal. She yelped and went flying through the opening. "Oh, and Happy Valentine's day, darling!" "Sparda you piece of-" Eva started. Sparda closed the portal again before she could finish the barrage of insults she know she was about to hurl in his direction. She would have plenty of time to verbally murder him when he got home. And he most certainly was coming home. He had far too much to look forward to not to. Sparda unsheathed Yamato and turned towards the serpent, stretching. After killing the Echidna demon, he would need to take care of its nest. It had been a while since the Dark Knight had participated in a decent battle. This was going to be fun.